


And She Was My Everything

by layslikefrito



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:02:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23192887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/layslikefrito/pseuds/layslikefrito
Summary: "You are right about one thing though, Tobin. I do hate myself. I hate myself for allowing you to have this stupid hold on me. I hate myself, for following you around like a lost puppy, for 10 fucking years. But most of all, I hate myself for not realizing it sooner, for not realizing that you love me. You love me, Tobin. You love me just as much as I love you. And you hate the fact that you do.” Ten years. They've been at this for ten years. Someone has to lose.
Relationships: Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Comments: 162
Kudos: 300





	1. Baby We Got History

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to let me know what you guys think. This one depends on if you guys would like to see more or not. I'll put up maybe 2 or 3 chapter to let you guys see if you'd like for me to continue :)  
> 

As Christen slowly climbs to consciousness, she begins to realize two things; one, she’s not in her own bed, and two, her clothes are being thrown at her in a haste. She sits up and looks at the woman who’s shuffling the room in a hurry, picking up the discarded clothing. And with this she realizes a third thing, she’d let herself fall for the woman’s slick tongue once again “Tobin? What are you doing?” She speaks quietly, nervously. 

Tobin looks over at her, “So now you’re up? I’ve been calling your name for like five fucking minutes. Whatever, it doesn’t matter. Get up. You have like 30 minutes to get dressed and get out. Jess is on her way and you don’t need to be here when she gets here.”

Christen rises from the bed and says almost timidly, “You told me that you guys weren’t together anymore. You said that you were done being chased. You said we can finally be together. Tobin, you told me you loved me.” 

Tobin sighs and tilts her head sideways, “Yeah I did say those things. And I’d like to think you would know by now when I lie to you. Christen it’s been 10 years of this. It’s a game. You’re a game to me. It’s easy and good sex without the work.” She walks over to Christen and softly grabs her chin, “You’ve seen this trap a thousand times sweetheart, and you still fall, every. single. time. It’s a shame really.” She finishes as she leans in and kisses her gently. 

Christen jumps away from Tobin’s grasp and stares at her with teary green eyes. She looks up at the slightly taller woman and chokes out, “I hate you! You’re a fucking coward Tobin! You’re a coward, and a cheater, and a liar! I hate you so fucking much!” 

Christen continues to sob as she gathers the rest of her belongings. Tobin watches her with a smirk on her face. Not a trace of guilt present. She walks over to Christen and stands behind her as she watches her put on her shoes and speaks in a mockingly soft tone, “Christen, you don’t mean that. And you know you don’t mean that. It hurts you to know that you don’t mean that. It hurts you to know that you love me. You aren’t crying because of me, you’re crying because of you. Chris, baby..”

Christen stands abruptly, voice suddenly hardened, “Don’t call me that. Do not fucking call me that. I hate you Tobin. You can’t keep fucking me over like this. I have spent the last 10 years of my life devoting myself to you. I have lost friends because I was chasing you. You are right about one thing though, Tobin. I do hate myself. I hate myself for allowing you to have this stupid hold on me. I hate myself, for following you around, like a lost puppy, for 10 fucking years. But most of all, I hate myself for not realizing it sooner, for not realizing that you love me. You love me, Tobin. You love me just as much as I love you. And you hate the fact that you do.”

Tobin clenches her jaw and looks down at Christen menacingly, “You need to stop talking. You need to stop talking right now.”

“You want me to stop talking,Tobin? You’d like that, huh? You want me to be quiet? You want me to swallow the truth just like you’ve been doing for ten years? You know, for someone with such a massive ego, you are such a coward. I don’t know why you won’t just say it. You love me-”

“I said stop!” Tobin’s voice echoes through the room, making Christen shrink back into herself. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You are so delusional. You can’t even tell someone doesn’t give a damn about you, when they’re telling you straight to your pretty little face. For someone as smart as yourself, you sure can be pretty stupid.”

“If I loved you, you wouldn’t be sitting here crying, trying to convince me that I love you. If I loved you, I wouldn’t be throwing you out right now. If I loved you, you’d be the only woman on those sheets over there. Christen, if you loved you, you would give up. I’m a game that you won’t win. You’ve played for ten years and are still at square one. I do not love you.” She whispers the last sentence right against Christen’s ear. 

Taking a step backwards, teary stormy grey eyes, meet cold dark brown, “Okay. Fine Tobin. You win.” Christen chokes out. “I’ll grab my bag and then I’ll be gone.”

Christen steps around Tobin to grab her bag. She can feel the stare of cold brown eyes, boring into her back, tracking her every move. Those same brown eyes that just last night were staring at her like she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Those same brown eyes that held a special spark, just for her. Those same brown eyes that could either make her feel like the most important woman in the world, or could make her feel like her world was crumbling at her feet. 

Standing to look one last time at the woman before her, Christen sighs deeply, “Ten years I wasted on you. Allowing myself to be dragged around and toyed with. I do hate that I love you so fucking much. It physically pains me sometimes, how much I love you, Tobin. But, I’m going to be okay. Eventually I will be just fine. Your girlfriend should be here soon, so I’m gonna go. I hope you love her. And I hope she loves the taste of me on your lips,” Christen smirks, “because I know you do.” She finishes as she walks by, bumping shoulders with Tobin. 

As she’s passing, Tobin reaches out to grab her arm, making her pause, “You think it’s that easy don’t you? Your mind craves me. Your body craves mine. And above all, your heart won’t let you leave me. You’ll be back Chris. We both will.” 

And with that, Christen takes her exit. As she walks out the building, she puts her sunglasses on, covering her teary eyes. Walking down the street on the journey to her own apartment, she thinks about Tobin’s parting words. “You’ll be back Chris. We both will.” And as determined as she is to make them false, she hates how undeniably and inevitably true they are.


	2. We Had It At Hello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I've been adjusting to classes online and catching up on sleep. Hopefully I'll have the next chapter up in 3-5 days, and it'll continue to be that way.Also message me on tumblr at layslikefrito if there's something you'd like to see. I answer back pretty quick. As always let me me know what you guys think and if you'd like to see more.

_Ten years ago_

Tobin Heath hated school. She hated the work. She hated the teachers. And she absolutely despised the students. The disgusting aroma of overly cologned and hormone filled teenage boys. The pissy attitudes and too short skirts of arrogant little daddy’s girls. Though the short skirts she couldn’t really say she minded too much. Typical high school teens getting in where they fit in. Jocks, nerds, stoners, you name it, they were there. Tobin didn’t have a click. She didn’t feel like she didn’t fit in with anyone, but that they didn’t fit in with her. She didn’t think that these people had what it took to want to get out and be successful on their own. She believed that they were all comfortable living off of family status. And Tobin hated lazy and entitled people.

Despite hating school, Tobin always made it a priority to be on time. She always made it a priority to be on top of her work and somewhere near the top of her class. If she had learned anything, it was that people with better grades had more of an opportunity to get out. It wasn’t that she looked down on those with lower grades, she just the world’s natural disposition. They wanted those at the top, average just wasn’t good enough. And she hated that. Even as a young child, Tobin recognised her privilege. She understood that she could bring lunch from home everyday while others had to depend on being fed at school. She understood that she got to put on a fresh uniform everyday while she had to watch kids come to school with the same stain on their shirt that they had yesterday. And now she sees that it doesn’t get any easier for some. She gets to go outside and wait for her mom’s BMW to come pick her up after school while she watches some people go to the bus stop. She gets to go to the mall with the credit card her parents pay off while she watches some work eight hour shifts to help out around their house. Tobin recognizes that she’s set for life if she wants to be. And she absolutely hated that. 

Standing by her locker, she watches the students mill around, coming and going. Getting books from lockers, saying hello to friends, or walking towards their first class. As she watched the students, she thought about how she would go about her own school year. Tobin maintained pretty good grades, but she was not a stranger to getting in some sort of trouble. To the naked eye, Tobin Heath was a bad girl. She wore black, argued with teachers, used curse words, and left class whenever she felt like it. To Tobin Heath, she was just trying to survive. Black was neutral, teachers were dumb, she cursed only at the stupid jocks, and left class only when done with her work. Too many times has she found herself in the principal’s office for her behavior, and she thought about maybe giving Mrs. Renwald a break. She quickly decided that her actions depended on the idiots around her, if they kept right, then so would she. After grabbing her book for her first class, she began walking down the cream colored halls of Mountain View Public High School. 

Ten minutes into her homeroom class and Tobin was already bored out of her mind. Her teacher Mr. Fellard is already having a tough time controlling the classroom and can barely get through attendance without kids disrupting. The class is composed of mostly boys. 15 boys compared to only 7 girls in the classroom. Tobin thinks that at this age, that’s too many boys to have in one area at the same time. Nothing good could come of that. But still, she keeps to herself. When the teacher gets to her name, he calls out, “Okay, Mr. Tobin Heath? Are you here?”

Tobin rolls her eyes. She should be used to this by now. People always assuming her name for a boy. “I’m here. And I’m very much female. I know with that big fancy degree you have that you can read Fellard. I know you can see the big “F” next to my name. That means female. Which I identify as. My pronouns are she/her.”

“Well I do apologize Miss Heath, but your attitude is certainly uncalled for. So I ask that you keep it to a minimum, thank you.”

“I’ll check my attitude when you check these kids who aren’t even paying attention to your little attendance sheet. Thank  _ you.”  _ Tobin replies smoothly. 

Mr. Fellard sighs and recognizes that he’d get nowhere arguing with the girl and continues on with the attendance. He gets near the end of his sheet and calls out, “Miss Christen Press?   
  


From behind her Tobin hears the word “here” in the faintest voice she’s ever heard. She’s not even sure she heard it. Apparently Mr. Fellard shares the same thought as he says, “Okay, so no Miss Press today?” Tobin turns her head in hopes of seeing who the faint voice belonged to and turns back around when she sees no immediate candidate. 

A boy, Jace or Jason she thinks his name is, says from his place on her left, “Nah Mr. Fellard, Christen’s here. She’s just quiet. She’s in the back with black sweatshirt. Chris raise your hand.”

At this Tobin turns her head and looks to the back of the class and sees the most beautiful set of green eyes she’s seen in all 17 years of her life. Even if they weren’t looking at her. She sees a deep shade of pink covering the girls caramel cheeks as she raises her hand for Mr. Fellard to mark her present. Tobin doesn’t realize she’s still staring at the girl until green eyes meet brown ones and Tobin hurriedly turns around in her seat. She decides right then and there that she was going to get to know Christen Press. And it was going to be sooner rather than later. 

Sooner came right after class when Tobin waited for the girl outside of the classroom. She saw the black sweatshirt walk quickly out of the classroom and wasted no time talking to her. “Hey, wait. Christen right? Christen Press?” 

Christen turns around slightly alarmed from the sudden outburst, “Yes?”

“Hi, I’m Tobin. Tobin Heath. Nice to meet you.” Tobin says to the shy girl.

“I know who you are, Tobin.” Christen says to her as she starts to walk away.

“Whoa, wait up! How do you even know me? Aren’t you new here?” Christen rolls her eyes and continues walking. Tobin, seeing she’s getting no reply from the green eyed girl, calls out to her,” Can I walk you to your next class?” Christen just keeps walking. “Okay, well I’m going to anyway.”

When they got to the classroom Tobin asks her, “What class is this? There’s like 4 people in there and it’s about to start. I guess this teacher already sucks huh?” she finishes as she laughs. 

“It’s advanced physics. It’s only taught once a week by a professor from the university.” Christen says softly.

“Oh! That’s cool. So you’re like super smart then?” Tobin asks.

“I guess,” Christen shrugs as she looks at her phone and checks the time, “I have to go now. Thanks for walking me I guess. I’ll see you around sometime.” she says as she turns to walk in the door.

Tobin stands there until she realizes what Christen says. She peeks her head in the door to see Christen, “You won’t see me around, you’ll see me in like an hour. I’ll come pick you up.”

“Excuse me Miss, are you in this class? If not I’m going to ask that you remove yourself and get to your own.” The professor looks at Tobin with a sour look.

“Dude you need to relax I’m just talking to my friend-” Tobin starts.

The professor raises his voice but keeps his tone neutral, “Young lady if you will not leave on your own i will kindly have you removed.”

“First of all this is my school. You don’t even go here. You’re just being borrowed.” Tobin says as she looks back at Christen with a look of ‘can you believe this guy’.

Christen looks at her with a blush and mouths “stop” to her. The professor looks at Tobin and says, “Since you seem to be incapable of leaving on your own I’ll have someone come grab you. What is your name young lady?”

“My name? It’s seeya.”

“Seeya?” The professor asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, seeya. As in see ya later.” Tobin laughs as she removes her body from the door frame.

A few seconds later she peeks her head back through the door and says to the professor. “I’m just playing with you. It’s Tobin, Tobin Heath. I’ll be across campus in English if you need to know where to send them. See ya later Chris.” She says with a final wink to Christen before she races down the corridor to get to her own class. 

Christen just shakes her head, smiles, and thinks to herself, yeah Tobin Heath, I wouldn’t want to crush on anyone else. 


	3. The Good In Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always let me know what you think.

_ Present Day _

Christen walks back into her apartment, silently praying that her roommate isn’t there. She looks around the room and doesn’t see any sign of the blonde girl. Taking a breath of relief she continues her walk to her bedroom. She almost makes it to the door when she hears down the hall, “Someone didn’t come home last night. Fun night?” Her best friend and roommate Julie Johnston asks her with a smirk.

Christen blushes slightly and turns to her, “Umm...no?”

“Lies! Who was it? Did you meet some hot girl at the bar? Zach said you disappeared while I was in the bathroom. And you weren’t answering your phone, so I ask again, fun night?” Julie asks the blushing girl as she walks down the hall to meet her at her door.

“Yeah, fun night.” Christen sighs, finally obliging the girl.

“Couldn’t have been too much fun. Why’d you say it like that?” Julie questions with a frown. “Was she not good?” 

“No, she was great. I just had a rough morning.” Christen says.

“Aww sweetie,” Julie says as she leans in to hug her, “What’s wrong? You wanna talk about it?”

“It’s nothing really. Just my anxiety bothering me.” She says into Julie’s shoulder.

“Your anxiety huh? Chris I know it isn’t your anxiety that’s bothering you. I can see that you’ve been crying. The tear tracks are still on your cheeks.” Julie says softly while cradling the girl. “What’s wrong?” She asks.

Christen can do nothing but sob. She breaks down and clings to her best friend as if her life depended on it. Julie can do nothing but hold the girl and she cries. So she sits in the middle of the hallway, arms wrapped around her friend, rubbing her back gently. She feels a pang of hurt for the girl in her arms. But mostly she feels anger. She knows why her best friend is crying like this. She’s seen it too many times over the past 10 years. Julie Johnston hates Tobin Heath. Julie pushes her own feelings aside and comforts the crying girl. She decides that she’s going to confront Christen later. Right now she doesn’t need to be chastised, she needs someone to be there for her. 

Thirty minutes later Julie finds herself picking her own body and Christen’s up from the floor. As much as she loved Christen, she wasn’t about to let the girl feel sorry for herself. Especially over someone as pitiful as Tobin Heath. She wordlessly grabs Christen’s hand and leads them back to the living room and onto the couch. She watches silently as the curly haired woman wipes at her tired eyes. Julie sighs and looks away from her friend, shaking her head. Partly in anger, partly in disgust, and partly in sadness. She feels for Christen, she really does, but at some point she figures Christen has to learn. And after 10 awful years, Julie has had enough. 

She turns back to look Christen straight in the eyes, “Do you wanna start, or should I?”

Christen just puts her head back down and sinks into the couch, wrapping her arms around herself. 

Julie sighs and nods her head, “Right. So I’ll start then. I know exactly where you were last night Christen. And it goes without saying that you should not have been there. I don’t know what kind of magic spell this girl has over you, but you need to get over it. And fast.”

At this Christen looks up, “Julie you don’t even know her…”

Julie scoffs, “Oh I don’t know her? Christen maybe you forgot, but I’ve known that girl longer than you have. And yes, you guys have spent a lot more time together but Chris, I know her past too.”

“Not like I know-,” Christen tries to interrupt.

“No, you need to let me finish. And so what? Even if I hypothetically didn’t know her to begin with? What I do know is that she cheats. What I do know is that she makes you cry. What I do know is that she makes you doubt yourself. And no, I don’t know her like you know her. Frankly I’ve known her quite longer than I wanted to. And that’s because of you. I’ve tried giving her the benefit of the doubt. For you. Because I want nothing more than to see you happy Christen. But this girl is not it.”

“She told me she loves me,” Christen whispers.

“I’m sure she did. And it got her exactly what she wanted-”

“Yes, it got her what she wanted. She wanted me.”

“Christen she wanted in your pants.” Julie says exasperatedly. 

“No!” Christen shouts as she stands from the couch, “You don’t get to say that to me. You don’t know her Julie. You don’t know how she makes me feel. You don’t know that she tells me how special I am to her. You don’t know that she loves me. Okay? You just don’t know?”

“I don’t know? Okay, sure. That’s fine and actually that’s fair.” Julie states calmly, almost mocking the woman in front of her. “Sit down Chris. I want you to tell me all about how special she makes you feel. How about we start with this morning?”

“Julie..”

“You were obviously distraught walking through here Chris. Why were you distraught? Is it because she made you feel oh so loved?”

“Julie don’t…”

“I watched you look around for me Chris. I know you didn’t want me to see you. Was it because of your tear stained cheeks and red rimmed eyes?”

“Julie stop, please.”

“Were you looking like that because her lovely words moved you to tears? Or were you looking like that because she threw you out so you didn’t run into her girlfriend?” Julie questions.

Tears welled up in Christen’s eyes, “I thought you were supposed to be my best friend. You’re supposed to be supporting me. I don’t understand how you can just throw that in my face. Why can’t you just be on my side for once?”

“Christen, I have been on your side unconditionally for ten freaking years. I have always supported you wholeheartedly. I just cannot bear to watch you suffer any longer. It breaks my heart to see my friend so heartbroken. I hate seeing you cry over someone who does not deserve you. I love you so much Christen. My job is not just supporting you, it’s making sure that you’re okay and putting yourself in the best position to be happy. And babe you’re not doing that right now. I only want the best for you. And deep down inside your stubborn ass mind, you know this.”

Christen sits down and leans in to hug the blonde woman, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize to me. I think you owe yourself an apology. And don’t get me wrong Chris, I’m still unbelievably pissed at you.”

“Why? I told you I was sorry.” Christen says with a frown.

“I told you not to apologize to me. But that’s neither here nor there. Dude, you slept with someone who was in a relationship. Knowing Tobin she was gonna whore around anyways, but I still don’t think it’s cool that you did that. Especially when I know that you know better. I’m extremely disappointed in you, Christen.” 

Christen looks down, ashamed and embarrassed, “Jules I know. And I know this is no excuse for anything, but I’m just so drawn to her. And I can’t help it. I couldn’t help it. And it hurts so much because I don’t want to be anymore.”

“Well you’re right. That is no excuse. But I’m glad you’re able to recognize that you were wrong. I’m also happy to hear that you want to get over her. The second part may be a little biased but who cares.” Julie waves dismissively at the latter part of her statement.

“I told her off this morning.” Christen says after a few moments of silence. 

Julie’s eyes widened, “You did what?”

“I told her off. You were right. She was just being the biggest asshole this morning. I don’t even want to repeat what she said. It’s still so raw and it really broke me JJ.”

“Sweetie it’s fine. You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. I’m sorry for pushing you earlier.” Julie says as she leans in to wrap Christen up, just as she had done only two hours prior. 

“No, I should. I just want to get it off my chest. She woke me up by throwing my clothes at me. She said her girlfriend was coming and that I needed to leave. She said a lot of stuff after that. She told me that she lied about loving me. She told me that I was just a game to her. Easy sex. And other things along those lines.” Julie flinches at the words her friend is saying. “But I confronted her. I told her that she does love me. She was just afraid to let herself love me.”

“Chris-” Julie starts but is interrupted.

“No, it’s okay. I could tell that I struck a nerve with saying that Julie. And I know how admant you are that she doesn’t love me, but I’m telling you that she does. I know she does. It’s in all the little things she does. I never say how she brings me coffee and breakfast in the morning. Or how she whispers sweet nothings in my ear. Or how she’s so attentive and in tune with me and my wants. Did you know that don’t even have sex all the time?”

Julie shakes her head with a shocked face upon hearing the new revelation.

“Yeah, sometimes we just spend time together. And it’s enough for me. I wasn’t always crying because she was rude to me, sometimes it was just because I knew she wasn’t one hundred percent mine. But do you know what the biggest sign is?”

“What?” Julie asks softly, chin perched atop Christen’s head. 

“Everybody is always so quick to point out how I always go running back to her. But you guys are ignoring the fact that she keeps coming back to me too. You all say all she wants from me is sex. Tobin can find sex anywhere she wants. And she very much knows that I love her. So if she wanted unattached sex, she would surely be looking anywhere but me. Yet here she is.”

“Wow, I didn’t realize there was so much more to it than sex. So I’m sorry for assuming there was no real substance to whatever...relationship, you guys have.”

“Had. Relationship we had. And you were right about a lot of stuff. I overlooked it because of how well she sometimes treated me. There wasn’t any substance. A lot of it she did because she knew I would keep coming back. But at some point she fell in love. But yeah, I confronted her about her feelings, she flipped out, and then I left. And now here we are. Me crying to you about what a mess I am.” Christen finishes with a sad smile. 

“Alright get up. Get up right now.” Julie says as she suhers Christen up from her place in her arms. Standing eye to eye with her, she says, “No pity parties today. You are not a mess. You are getting used to being out of a, we’re just gonna call it a situation, you’re leaving a situation you’ve been in for years. You’re getting used to being in love with yourself again. I want you to go take a shower. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel beautiful and amazing and whatever else you need to feel. Okay?” Christen nods. “Go get some clothes that you can relax in. I’m going to make you a shower playlist. And while you’re in there, I’m gonna run and go get us some ice cream. It’s looking like a girls’ day. Everything will be fine, alright? I got you.” Julie finishes as she reaches out her pinky to Christen. 

Christen links her pinky with Julie’s and smiles at her best friend, “Has anyone ever told you that you are the absolute best? I love you forever and more Julie Johnston.”

“Forever and more chick. You and me. Alright get out of here so I can go to the store.”

“Wait what about my playlist?” Christen asks.

“I’ll share it with you. I have an independent woman playlist on standby because sometimes Zach pisses me off.” Julie says with a laugh as she walks out the door. 

Forty five minutes later Julie hears Christen singing Destiny’s Child ‘Independent Woman’ at the top of her lungs, as she walks back into their shared apartment. Julie smiles to herself, glad that her friend has happiness within herself. After putting the ice cream in the freezer, she heads to her own room, changing into her own set of comfortable clothes. 

“Christen!” Julie shouts from down the hallway. 

“Julie!” Christen shouts back at her.

“I want you to do one last thing for me. And it’s not really for me. It’s for you.”

“What is it?” Christen asks, looking skeptically at the girl. 

“Follow me,” Julie says as she leads them into the bathroom.”I want you to look into that mirror and tell yourself exactly what you deserve.” She says as she takes a step back into the hall, giving Christen her privacy. 

Christen looks at her reflection. And she doesn’t know if she hates it or loves it. “Jules, can you come back in here please?” 

“What’s up?” 

Christen meets Julie’s eyes in the mirror and immediately wants to cry. She’s never been more thankful to call anyone a friend in her entire life. Julie Johnston deserves the world and nothing short of it, she thinks. “I want you to hear this. Stand next to me?” And Julie just nods and walks over, knowing that her friend needs her support.

Christen looks back at her own reflection, takes a deep breath, and begins, “Christen, first and foremost I would like to apologize. I did not do right by you. I neglected your mind, your body, and most of all your heart. I allowed you to be used and I made you chase what was simply unattainable. It was irresponsible, it was reckless, and it was careless. Today I promise to start new. I promise to love you, cherish you, and respect you. I promise to make you happy. And most of all I promise to put you first.”

Christen pauses and her teary eyes meets Julie’s in the mirror once again, “Julie, I would like to thank you. Thank you for being by my side. Thank you for having my back. Thank you for being my rock when no one else would. I promise to always have your back, to love you, and to support you unconditionally. Forever and more.”

As Julie’s own eyes fight to hold back tears, she holds Christen’s gaze, “Christen, I would like to thank you as well. Thank you for being my sister. Thank you for ten years of laughs. Ten years of tears. And ten years of memories. Be it good or bad. I promise to always be there for you. I promise to be here for more laughs, more tears, and more memories. I love you and support you unconditionally. Forever and more.” She finishes as tears roll down both of their cheeks. 

They both lean in for a hug. When they let go they look at their reflections in the mirror and laugh.

“Okay. No more tears girly. Let’s go” Julie says as she heads back to the living room area. “We’re not sad bitches, we’re bad bitches.”

Christen laughs as she plops down on the couch with a throw blanket for the two of them. “What are we watching? I’m thinking a Disney slash Pixar marathon.”

“You already know it.” Julie says from behind her as she prepares two bowls of ice cream.

“Any requests?” Christen asks her.

“Nope. Today we are celebrating you. It’s your pick.” Julie says she sets the two bowls down and slides under the blanket.

“Okay well we will be watching Cars. You know it’s my guilty pleasure.” 

“Oh I know.” Julie says with a smile as she scoops a spoon of ice cream into her mouth. 

Ten minutes into the movie Christen gets a text on her phone:

**_Tobin [ 2:07 pm ]:_ ** _ I know you told Julie what happened this morning. And I know she hates me. Don’t let her talk you into doing something you don’t want to do okay? Our relationship doesn’t involve her.  _

**_Tobin [ 2:09 ]:_ ** _ I just wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean it. I was just upset. You know how I get when I’m upset. I’ve been trying to break up with Jess. She won’t take a hint. Just wait, please? Maybe come see me tomorrow so we can talk?  _

**_Tobin [ 2:13]:_ ** _ I love you Chris _

“No phones Chris. You know the rule.” Julie says while still watching the screen. 

“Yeah I know, sorry. I was turning it off. It was the wrong number anyways.” Christen says as she tosses her phone off to the side. 


	4. If It's Not Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not too thrilled with this chapter but I hope you guys like it. There's a bit of a twist in this one. As always let me know what you think. :)  
> 

**_Tobin [ 8:47 am ]:_ ** _ Why aren’t you answering me? I know you’re up. You have to be at work.  _

**_Tobin [ 9:02 ]:_ ** _ I know I made a mistake. I already apologized. I would appreciate it if you texted me back. Just let me know if you’re okay. I still want to see you today. _

**_Tobin [ 9:15 ]:_ ** _ Was it Julie? Is she making you ignore me? I already told you that she has nothing to do with us. She’s hated me since college. She’s jealous of our relationship. You can’t trust her. Babe c’mon just answer me.  _

**_Tobin [ 9:19]:_ ** _ Christen now you’re upsetting me. You’re being childish and your behavior is completely immature. Text me back. And do it now please.  _

Tobin lets out a frustrated sigh as her messages continue to go unread. She continues to stare at the phone, almost as if staring will make a message appear. She thinks about what she said to Christen that morning, silently wondering if maybe she’d pushed the girl too far. 

“Babe?” the girl on the bed says, “You alright? You seem frustrated.” 

Tobin looks back at the girl, forgetting she was even there in the first place, and answers, “Yeah I’m fine babe. Well maybe a little frustrated.”

“I’m sorry, love. Do you want to talk about it?” The woman asks with a small frown on her face. 

Tobin walks over to join the woman already sitting on the bed, “People are just irritating sometimes. You try to work with them and all they do is shoot you down.”

“Is it work?” She asks.

“Yeah it is. And a lot of it. It shouldn’t be this hard. We’ve done this countless times. I don’t know why my partner is being so difficult this time.” Tobin says with a roll of her eyes.

“Want me to make you feel better?” The woman says as she starts to rub on Tobin’s chest. 

“Jess,” Tobin starts, not really in the mood. But then she thinks about Christen. And if Christen wanted to ignore her, then she’d just have to use what she had. And right now, she had Jess. “Yeah. I want you to make me feel better.” She says as she turns around in Jess’ arms and begins to kiss her. 

  
  
  


Christen sits in her office chair and stares at her phone. Her heart aches. Her mind races. Her fingers long. They long to type out a “sorry”. They long to type “meet me at our spot”. They long to type “I miss you.” But she knows that none of those are in her best interests. She looks up as the door to her office opens and she sees her best friend. 

“Excuse me, Ms. Johnston. Have we not heard of knocking?” Christen says with a smile, letting the blonde woman know she was only joking. 

“I’m sorry Ms. Press. I guess I’ll take this turkey and swiss sub down to Kriegs then. You know how much she loves these things.” Julie says as she pretends to turn towards the exit. 

“Wait! You never have to knock ever. I love you so much. And you are the absolute best best friend to ever be a best friend. Plus Ali already had hers today. I saw her on her lunch break.” 

“Mmhmm. That’s what I thought.” Julie says with a smirk. “What you up to? Working hard or hardly working?” Julies says as she pulls out a chair from Christen’s desk and sits.

“At this point I don’t even know. It’s a little bit of both I guess. I spent so much of my time on Tobin, I let work completely skip my mind. I’m like a week behind on these files. I’ve been trying to cram it all in today but all I did was manage to stress myself out even more.” Christen says with a deep sigh. 

“Wait, you were with her all week?” Julie asks in confusion. 

“Is that really all you got from that? And no. It wasn’t all week.” Christen asks, rolling her eyes. 

“No, but it’s what I’m choosing to focus on. If you’re a week behind, it must’ve been all week. You said you were going home. You lied to me?” Julie asks, giving the woman across from her a disapproving look.

“I did go home. She just came with me.”

“Christen,..”   
  


“I didn’t invite her Julie. She had work down there too. It was a coincidence really.” Christen says. 

“Did you invite her to your Dad’s?”

“What? Of course not. You know he doesn’t like her.” Christen scoffs.

“Good.”

“Jules, I know you don’t like her…”

“Understatement.” Julie interrupts as she bites into her sandwich.

Christen rolls her eyes for what she feels is the thousandth time, “But could you please make it less obvious? It kind of hurts my feelings when you talk so bad about her.” 

Julie looks at the girl in shock, “Chris what? It hurts your feelings? How in the world? You know what, I’m not even going to start. I just want to know why. Why does it hurt you when I talk about her?”

Christen looks down and says softly, “Because it makes me feel so low. It makes me realize how blind I was to everything she did to me. It makes me feel stupid.”

“Christen I’m so sorry. You know that’s not my intention. At all.” Julie says as her expression goes from shock and confusion to one of sympathy. 

“I know it wasn’t.” Christen smiles sadly. 

“I just thought it would make you feel better to call her a bitch.”

“I know. But it just makes me think about why I’m calling her a bitch you know?”

“I’m sorry babe. Has she tried to contact you at all?” 

Christen looks at her phone. She taps her finger on her desk and takes a deep breath, mulling over her answer. She looks back up at Julie and says, “Surprisingly no. Which is weird. Whenever she explodes on me like that, she usually apologizes pretty quickly. I guess me telling her off worked.”

“That’s good. I’m glad she’s learning how to take a hint. Okay well my break is over so I’ll get out of your hair. And I keep telling you not to skip lunch Chris. I don’t care how behind you are. You need to eat. Next time I’m not bringing you anything.” Julie says.

“You always say that. You know you have to take care of me.” Christen replies with a laugh. 

“Yeah yeah, whatever.” Julie says begrudgingly. “I’ll see you at home. Since you wanna get off a whole three hours before me.”

Christen laughs at the sulking girl and says, “See you at home babe.”

Christen looks at her phone again and sees the four unanswered messages waiting for her. And she knows she shouldn’t. She knows what Julie thinks. She knows what Julie would say. Most importantly, she knows that she promised. She promised herself that she wouldn’t. And just over twenty four hours later, here she is. Exactly where she promised herself she wouldn’t be. She grabs her phone and opens the text thread.

**_Chris [ 2:47 pm]:_ ** _ I get off at 5. We can meet at Fisherman’s Wharf.  _

**_Chris [ 2:47 pm]:_ ** _ If you still would like to meet.  _

The response is immediate.

**_Tobin [ 2:48 ]:_ ** _ I’ll be there to pick you up at 4:55. _

**_Chris [2:48]:_ ** _ No thank you. _ ****

**_Tobin [ 2:49 ]:_ ** _ I will be outside at 4:55 Christen. Please don’t make me wait.  _

**_Chris [ 2:53 ]:_ ** _ I said no.  _

**_Tobin[ 2:53 ]:_ ** _ Why? Are you worried about your precious Julie seeing you with me? _

**_Chris[ 2:57 ]:_ ** _ Tobin stop. I’ll be at the Wharf by 5:30. So should you.  _

On the other side of town Tobin grips her phone tightly in her hand until her knuckles go white. She clenches her jaw, upset that Christen got the best of her. She tosses her phone on the kitchen table and walks over to the sink. She grips the edges and looks over at the city below her. She sees the happy couples. She sees the families. She sees the individuals. Everyone is doing something different, and most of them look happy. She thinks about Christen. She thinks about Christen’s smile and how bright it is when she’s happy. And she thinks about how happy Christen could be. Just like those people down on the street. Happy with their significant other. Happy with their family. Happy without her. And at that her jaw clenches, even tighter than before. Christen can’ have that. She can’t be happy without her. Tobin needs Christen to need her. And she vows to do everything in her power to make that the case. 

Grabbing her phone off the table, she walks back into her bedroom and sees Jess lounging on the bed watching TV. She stands in the doorway for a while, just looking over the woman. Long brown hair, almost black to the naked eye. Eyes blue instead of the green she’d rather look into. Tan skin, but not quite as dark as she prefers. A beautiful body. But not the body that she loves to hold and remind how gorgeous it is. She knows it’s not fair to either girl but she can’t really bring herself to change. It’s just who she is. 

“Why are you staring at me like that?” The girl on the bed questions.

“You need to leave.” Tobin says. 

“Excuse me?” Jess says incredulously. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so rude. I just spoke to one of my co-workers and since we’re so behind and can’t figure out what to do, we’re all gonna meet here. I have the biggest space and we’re probably gonna be all night.” Tobin lies smoothly.

“Oh it’s fine. I can just stay in here. I’ll just grab some snacks.” Jess says easily.

“No. You need to do as I say, and leave. It’s not up for discussion.” Tobin replies dismissively.

“Okay I don’t know who the fuck pissed you off but you need to cool it with the attitude.” Jess says as she gets up from the bed and gathers her clothes. 

Tobin watches silently for the second time in two days as a woman angrily puts on their clothes in a haste to leave her apartment. 

As Jess is putting on her jacket she looks Tobin dead in her eyes and says, “Tobin I am not the one, and you know I’m not. So I need to stop talking to me like I am, okay? I’m not her. You’re just a paycheck. I don’t give a fuck about your little on again off again girlfriend. Don’t fuck with me, okay babe. Oh and you better not be seeing anyone else. Or else I’ll just have to stop by her apartment. And I know you don’t want me to do that. See you later Tobin. Have a good meeting.” She finishes as she heads out of the room and out of the door. 

Tobin takes a deep breath and calms herself before going in her bathroom and taking her second shower of the day. She gets out and sees it’s already nearing four and decides to throw on something simple. Black Jeans, white t-shirt, black pullover. She decides to leave her hair down, in hope of using to her advantage, knowing Christen prefers it that way. She checks the time again and sees it’s about 4:15 and decides to head out, knowing that her drive is a bit longer than Christen’s. Before she leaves she sends out two texts. 

**_Tobin[ 4:23 ]:_ ** _ I’m on my way now. I can’t wait to see you. I miss you.  _

**_Unknown Number [ 4:25 ]:_ ** _ You need to leave her alone. She’s a grown woman. She doesn’t need you to make her decisions for her. You need to be careful with what you’re doing.  _

__

And with that Tobin grabs her keys and heads out the door. 


	5. Where Do We Go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry for the long wait. I haven't been feeling the best and I'm honestly not sure if anyone is still interested in this. This one is kind of short and mostly a filler. I didn't want to leave anyone hanging for longer than I already have. Hopefull I can have a longer chapter up within a week or two. As always let me know what you think and if you want to see more.

There are buildings all around her as she drives through the city. Some are tall. Some are short. Some are wide. Some are thin. She wonders who decides how they’re built. She wonders why they were even built at all. She wonders who built the first one. How did they come up with the idea? How did they get the materials? What did they use to put it together? How was it knocked down? Were they able to put it back together? Could it withstand another go? Or was it done for good? 

Her drive is silent. She gets lost in her own mind. Wondering how her life became something she vowed to never let it be. Wondering why she can’t remove herself. Wondering why she can’t have it all. Wondering how she got lost in the shuffle. She remembers her dad being successful. Her and her siblings never had to go without. She remembers wanting that for everyone, especially her own family one day. She remembers asking what it took to be happy and successful. She remembers her dad fixing his belt and saying, “Tobin, you can’t always please everybody. Sometimes you have to rule with an iron fist. What makes a great leader is someone who is able to make the hard decisions. Some people are unfortunately going to be hurt. But in the end you have to do what is best for the majority involved.” 

Tobin hated that vile, evil, and disgusting excuse of a man. He did not deserve her mother. He did not deserve her or her siblings. He deserved to rot in isolation for the rest of his lowly and pitiful life. Feeling her anger start to grow she quickly moves her thoughts in a different direction knowing arriving at the wharf upset would be a bad thing. The last thing she wants to do is lash out at Christen, especially when she hasn’t done anything to deserve it. Looking around at her surroundings she realizes that she’s about 5 minutes away from the pier. She thinks she must’ve been driving well above the speed limit as she’d be there a good 15 minutes before planned. She blames her abandonment of the law on her need to see Christen.

She parks her car and walks idly to the benches that sit in the middle of the wharf. She takes a seat on the worn wooden bench and takes out her phone and sends Christen a text that she’s there. As she sits on the bench she takes in her surroundings. The sky was not as clear as it was earlier in the day. It looks dull and gray now. Almost as if a storm was coming. She looks around the boardwalk. To her left first and then to her right. There’s still tons of people roaming about. They don’t seem to be worried about the sudden overcast. They laugh and they smile as they eat their cotton candy and corndogs. They’re happy. Something she could only dream of being. 

“Hey,” Tobin hears softly from behind her. 

Tobin whips her head around and stands from her spot on the bench, “Hey.” she responds,”You want to have a seat?”

“No, I don’t want to have a seat. Thank you though.”

“Why? It’s just a seat. I want you to be comfortable. Here take a seat.” Tobin says as she moves to grab Christen.

“Tobin, stop.” Christen says as she takes a step back. “I don’t want to have a seat. This won’t take long.”

“What do you mean this won’t take long? You don’t know how long it’s gonna take. I have a lot to say to you.” Tobin says with a frown.

“Well I don’t have a lot to say to you Tobin. You made yourself perfectly clear when you were throwing me out.” Christen says easily.

“ I didn’t mean that. And you know I didn’t. I already told you I was sorry. What more do you want me to do?” Tobin says as she runs her finger through her hair in a distressed manner.

“I just want you to leave me alone Tobin. That’s it. Just please let me be.” Christen says to the woman opposite of her. 

“No.”

“Tobin,” Christen tries to start.

“No, Christen. It’s really as simple as that. You want me and I want you. I don’t know what garbage Julie is filling your head with, but you don’t need to listen to her. I told you she’s jealous of us Chris. You can’t trust her.” Tobin tells her as she starts to walk closer.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about. Julie has a loving boyfriend who treats her like the queen she is. She never has to question his love or loyalty to her. And what do I have Tobin? Huh? What do I have?” Christens says angrily at the brown eyed girl. 

“You have me ba-” Tobin starts before being interrupted.

“Yeah. Yeah, I had you Tobin. Which is the equivalent to having essentially nothing.” Christen shrugs.

Tobin takes several steps back. Almost as if the words themselves burn her. “How can you say that? I gave you everything I could possibly give you Christen. You want something I can’t offer you. You don’t get to take that out on me. What we have is good.”

“Oh I don’t? I have every right to be pissed off,Tobin. You don’t get to be the one who’s hurt. You did this to yourself. I have offered myself to you on a silver platter for years, Tobin. _Years._ You took what you wanted. And now you don’t have that option. You don’t get to sit at my table anymore.” Christen says as the volume of her voice starts to increase.

“People are staring at us. Can we talk somewhere more private?” Tobin says with a hard, unreadable face.

“No, we can’t. I’ve said what I had to say and I’m done.” Christen replies. Eyes as gray as the sky above them. 

“We aren’t finished Christen. You didn’t even let me speak. I have stuff to say too, you know. This isn’t just about you. You’re being selfish and immature right now.” Tobin says, eyes teary and jaw clenched.

“When it comes to _my_ heart, I deserve to be as selfish as they come. You have been saying the same tired and used lines for a while now. I’m done falling for them Tobin. You asked me what I wanted from you. I told you, I want you to leave me alone.” Christen says.

“I don’t want to leave you alone. I can’t leave you alone. Christen I fucking love you, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I love you. I am in love with you? Just stay, please? I need you." Tobin begs, on the verge of tears. 

Christen takes in the woman in front of her. Her facade disappearing in front of her eyes. The scared little girl afraid of losing the ones closest to her making an appearance. The scared and insecure little girl that very few people know. Christen’s resolve almost fades. _Almost._

“Yeah. It is what I want to hear. And I believe you, Tobs. I really do. And as much as it pains me to admit, I love you too. And I probably will for a long time after this. You don't get to pretend to be the only one that's hurting from this.” Christen says as she looks up to keep her own tears from falling.

“Then stay.” Tobin pleads, taking Christen’s hands in her own.

“I want to. So bad. But you said it yourself, you gave me all you could offer me. But I deserve so much more than you, Tobin. I really do. I hope we find our people Tobs. We’re no good for each other. You’re no good for me.” Christen finishes as she gives Tobin’s hands a final squeeze before turning away and walking to her car.

“ We are not done! I love you Christen! I will have you! Even if it’s the last thing I do! You are my person!” Tobin shouts at the back of a retreating Christen. 


	6. Introducing Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for all the super kind comments and support. It means more than you know. I've read them all and will definitely be responding to you guys. A notice or maybe a reminder if you've already caught on, this story is one of remembrance. A lot of the stuff will somehow connect to a past chapter. This allows you guys to see what has made the character who they are. As always let me know what you think. <3  
> As an added bonus, the first peron who comments where this chapter connects to one of the chapters before it, I'll cashapp them $5 and they'll get a sneak peak of my next story. You have until I post the next chapter. Good Luck!! :)

_ Flashback* _

The loud voices of somewhere around 300 high school students rang about the cafeteria walls. Hundreds of voices overlapping each other. Discussions never clear. Voices never distinct. Many mouths were still chewing food as they simultaneously tried to tell a story, giving a clear view of the foods being grossly mixed together. It was disgusting. Hungry teens were still filling up the cafeteria, getting in line, and waiting their turns to grab their lunch of choice. The different cliques meeting in whatever area they claimed as theirs. Tobin, Julie, and Christen always opt to grab their lunches and head to the very back of the cafeteria. It’s where the “losers” sit. Well according to the football players anyway. Football players and most of the cheer girls were literally the only people in the school concerned with status. It amused the three girls to no end. The truth as to why they sat there was because it’s closest to the back exit and far enough away from the popular kids.

Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, their school had pretty good lunch options. They disliked it because that meant that there would be more students in the cafeteria and more students on school grounds in general. They weren’t antisocial by any means, they just preferred to socialize mainly amongst themselves. They mostly appreciated it though. They loved that their school provided hot fresh lunches and different options. Especially for those who may not have it as easy as they did. The three girls sat at what had become “their table” and ate their lunches while talking amongst each other. 

“So,” Tobin starts around a mouth full of pizza. Christen cuts her off before she could even say her next syllable. 

“Do not talk with your mouth full, Tobin. That’s disgusting. Just wait until you’re finished chewing.” The curly headed girl gently scolds. 

Tobin rolls her eyes and diligently finishes chewing her food. “There, are you happy now, mother?” Christen responds to the girl by nodding gleefully. “Anyways, as I was saying, we’ve all been hanging for a while now, and I don’t even know how you guys met. And what kind of blossoming friendship would this be if I don’t even know how you two met?” 

Julie nods from across the table at the two girls, “Yeah. That is kind of true. We only know like the bare minimum of how we all met.”

“Well there’s not really a big story on how Tobin and I met. You already know this. She saw me in class on the first day and just decided we were gonna be friends. I didn’t really have a choice.” Christen laughs easily. 

“That’s right. I know awesome people when I see them. And I knew you were awesome. Kinda quiet, sure. But like still super awesome. I knew I couldn’t let you slip away.” Tobin winks over at the green eyed girl, who in turn blushes lightly. 

Julie subtly looks between the two girls with curiosity. She notes to herself that she needs to talk to them both individually. With a final nod to herself she forks at her side salad and says, “Well Christen and I’s story isn’t all that amazing either. We literally got partnered for class and that was that.”

“Are you just gonna skip over the fact that you were mean to me?” Christens asks with raised eyebrows.

Tobin looks over at Julie in surprise and says, “Woah! JJ being mean? To Christen of all people? Who would’ve thought?” She finishes with a chuckle.

Julie rolls her eyes half heartedly and says, “I was not being mean. She was being her usual quiet self and I just asked her if she was ever gonna speak.” 

Christen scoffs in disbelief, “Julie Beth! You know that is not what happened! I can’t believe you. Tell her the truth right now.” 

Julie laughs lightly and shrugs, “That is the truth.”

Christen shakes her head and moves her sandwich to the side, “Tobin, let me tell you. This girl right here, she was mean to me for a full week. She would always make fun of me for not talking. She would be like, “Girl, do you talk or what? Do you have a button or something?”, and I was just so stuck. I couldn’t believe she was saying that. I was already super nervous and she just kept on picking at me.”

“Well in my defense she would _not_ talk. I was just trying to get her to say something. I thought she would defend herself, but she never said anything. I mean I was never gonna be super disrespectful, but I was seeing how far I could push her before she said anything.” Julie adds into the explanation, defending herself.

“Well Ms. Johnstion, I must say that that does not seem very nice of you.” Tobin says lightly while looking across at the blonde girl. 

“She asked our teacher if we could do mediation after class. Those were literally the first words I heard her speak.” Julie said. 

Christen laughs loudly and freely, unaware of Tobin’s honey brown eyes watching her,”Those actually were the first words I said that she had heard. I asked the teacher if I could switch partners. And what did you say JJ?”

“I said, “Why? So you can not talk to them too?”, and then Ms. Ingle told me to ease up on her. To be honest I didn’t want you to change partners. I just wanted you to talk. Much like Ms. Heath over here, I had a gut feeling that you were awesome, and I wasn’t gonna pass you up.” Julies says reaching over to squeeze Christen’s hand. 

“Aww. I love you too, Jules. So, I think that’s it. That’s how we all met. Even though Tobin’s and my story was nothing special or interesting. Well and then you two. I introduced you guys at lunch that first day.” Christen says.

Tobin and Julie look over at each other and erupt in laughter. Christen just looks at her two friends in confusion. “What’s so funny? Do I have something in my teeth?” She asks as she subtly tries to clean her teeth.

Tobin looks over at the girl and just shakes her head, “No, your teeth are fine. But you definitely _did not_ introduce Julie and I.”

Julie nods in agreement and says, “Tobin and I have known each for a while now.”

“Wow I can’t believe you guys lead me on like that. When do you guys meet? Freshman year? Middle school?” Christen asks as she takes a bite from her sandwich. 

“Close,” Tobin says, “It was first grade.” 

“ _First grade?!_ ” Christen says loudly around a mouth full of sandwich.

“Chris, don’t talk with your mouth full. That’s disgusting.” Tobin smirks at the shocked girl. 

“Yep, Tobs and I met in the very first grade. Which I think is technically the second grade, but anyways that’s a different conversation for a different day.” 

“Aww you guys, that’s so cute. You guys have been friends for forever.” Christen says. 

“Yep,” Tobin says, popping the ‘p’. “And you’ll never guess how it started.”

“How?” Christen asks with almost childlike wonder. 

“Ms. Johnston was being mean to me.” Tobin says with a laugh as Julie throws her head back with a groan and a rebuttal of “oh my god, no I wasn’t.” 

* _ Flashback to first grade  _

Little Tobin Heath sat on her chair at her two person desk kicking her little legs back and forth. She was humming about and mindlessly tapping her crayon on the shared desk. Her desk partner Julie was looking over at her, wondering why the girl was making so much noise and moving so much. 

“Tobin, are you sick?” The little blonde girl questioned innocently. 

Tobin kept on swinging her legs and tapping her crayon, “No. Are you?” She answered without even looking up at the girl.

“Well I think you are sick.” Julie shot back. “But that’s ok. You can get some help.” Julie says, staring at her desk partner.

This time Tobin does stop and turns to look at Julie, “I’m not sick Julie. Leave me alone.” 

“Tobin and Julie.” Their teacher calls out, causing both girls to look to the front of the classroom with wide eyes. She walks over to their desk and squats down and says gently, “You guys know you aren’t supposed to be talking during instruction time. I’m afraid you guys are gonna have to spend recess with me.” 

“But it’s her fault!” Tobin yells out, pointing at Julie.

Julie gasps about as dramatically as a six year old could, “It’s not my fault. Tobin is sick. I was just trying to help her.”

“Settle down you two,” the teacher scolded gently but firmly, “Tobin, are you sick?” 

“No!” Tobin shouts while Julie says “Yes” at the same time.

“Okay Tobin, calm down. It’s okay. Remember, no yelling.” The teacher says while trying to calm the frustrated girl. “We can talk more later. You guys will be spending recess with me.” She finishes as she heads back to the front of the classroom. Tobin sits back in her seat and swings her legs even faster.

Their teacher, Ms. Warren walked her kids out to recess and then told Julie and Tobin to follow her back to the classroom. “Okay, you two, what’s wrong? You guys work so well together and never have any problems. What’s going on today?”

Tobin looks off to the side and Julie takes that as her que to answer, “I told you, Tobin is sick.”

Tobin snaps her head back to Julie and screams, “I’m not sick! Stop saying that!” 

“Okay Tobin. It’s okay. Take deep breaths. Julie, why do you think that Tobin is sick?” She asks the little girl. 

Julie shrugs and says, “Because she never stops moving. And she doesn’t be quiet. And my big cousin is like that too. My mommy says he’s sick.” 

Ms. Warren sighs and looks at the children in front of her, wondering if this is really a conversation she should be having with them. “Julie, Tobin isn’t sick okay? She has a special condition called ADHD. And all that means is that sometimes she needs to move around and make a little noise. You know how when you and I are working one on one, we can get through our work pretty quickly?” Julie nods, “Sometimes Tobin needs a break. And that’s okay. She isn’t sick, she just works differently.”

“Oh. Okay. I’m sorry for calling you sick Tobin. I didn’t mean it. I was just trying to help you. I thought you were gonna miss the learning. And I didn’t want you to.” Julie says sadly.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry for yelling. It just hurts my feelings when people call me sick.” Tobin says shyly. 

Ms. Warren looks at the two little girls in awe. She knows that they don’t really understand the bigger picture and what’s really going on, but she admires how big and resilient their little hearts are. “Okay Tobin go clear off your desk. Danny’s going to come get you so you can go to the office and take your medicine and then you’re gonna go outside to play, okay?” 

Tobin’s eyes widen in excitement, knowing that she’s finally gonna get to play. “Okay!” She says as she rushes off to clear her desk. 

Ms. Warren turns and looks at Julie, “You did so well, Julie. Thank you for apologizing. I sat Tobin with you because I knew you could handle it. Like I told you, sometimes she needs extra help, and I think that you are one the best little helpers that I know. Can I count on you to be Tobin’s buddy?” 

“Yes!” Julie nods firmly. 

A knock on the door signals Danny’s arrival and also her signal that it’s time to gather the kids from recess. “Tobin, Danny’s here. C’mon.”

“Ms. Warren, when I’m done taking my medicine, can Julie come outside to play with me?” Tobin asks from the door. 

Ms. Warren smiles at her and says, “Yes. Of course she can. Danny just come back and grab her when you’re done in the office.” 

* _ End of flashback  _

“And since then Julie has been my rock. I’m pretty sure our moms put us in the same schools on purpose after first grade.” Tobin says.

“That was hands down the cutest story ever.” Christen says as she dabs her eyes with a napkin.

“She is so dramatic.” Julie says just as the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch. Tobin laughs as Christen pouts. The three girls pick up their trash and bring it to the trash cans. 

“Ok, well I’m off to the science building. So I’ll see you guys after school?” Julie asks.

“Yeah, we’re gonna be opposite of you for the rest of the day. You know the drill. After school champ.” Tobin says as she gives Julie a fist bump. 

“See you after school JJ.” Christen says, leaning in to give her a hug. 

Julie watches as her friends walk off, joking around and brushing shoulders. She turns around to begin her own trek to the science building smiling to herself, wondering when one of them would get the nerve to ask the other out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also have something new in the works. Let me know in the comments if you'd like to see a super long one shot, or would you rather me make it chapters. Also don't be shy. Let me know on tumblr (@lay-likefrito) if there's anything you'd like to see or if you just want to talk:)


	7. Out With The Old

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm updating this as fast as I can. I really don't want you guys to have to wait too long. I will say that I think you guys will like this one. I hope everyone is staying sane and safe in these crazy times. As always let me know what you guys think. 
> 
> P.S. If you got the answer right to the challenge I presented I responded to you. Just drop your cashapp name in respone to me and I got you :)

Tobin sits around a large dark mahogany wooden table. On both sides of the large table sit five men each. Only two women in the room, not including herself. That frustrated her to no end. The blatant sexism she’s witnessed working in her line of business. She looks at them not saying a single word, tapping her pen rhythmically on the table. She takes a long breath before she starts her meeting. 

“Adam, do you think I’m a fair boss?” She questions a blond man sitting on her left side. 

“Yes, Ms. Heath. I would say you’re one of the most fair people.” Adam says. 

Tobin nods at his answer and continues on, “Timmy, do you think I’m fair?”

“Yes ma’am. I’d agree with Adam. You give everyone an equal chance to succeed.” Tim says confidently. 

“I agree.” Tobin says, “Lisa, how about you? Would you say I’m fair?” 

“Of course. You hold everyone to the same standard and you consider us equals even though you rank above us.” Lisa responds to the question.

“Thank you Lisa. I couldn’t agree more. I absolutely see you guys as my equals. My teammates. Because that is exactly what you are. A team.  _ My  _ team. And the only real difference between us is that it’s my job to oversee and analyze your performances. Other than that, I see us all as being on the same playing field.” Tobin pauses before she asks her next question, “Jarrod, would you agree that I have treated you all as nothing but my equals?” 

“Yes.” Jarrod says with a small nod of his head. 

“Yes?” Tobin repeats back to him, “Okay, how so? Give me examples.”

“Um, you know just like the others said, you give us all an opportunity to be successful.” Jarrod says nervously. 

“Yes, I know what the other’s said, Jarrod. And I also know that you are extremely eloquent and wise. I would like to hear what  _ you  _ have to say.” 

“Well,” Jarrod starts before clearing his throat and adjusting in his seat, “first off, reiterating what’s already been said, you expect the same things from all of us. Adding to that, I’d like to say that no matter our tenure, you give the hardest working person or people what they’ve earned. Whether it’s a raise or a promotion. Or both. As long as they’re pulling their weight and getting the job done.” 

“Thank you, Jarrod. I appreciate that you’re able to recognise the system I’ve tried to build. Hard work gets rewarded. And my team is my pride and joy.  _ You  _ guys are my pride and joy. And you all do a damn good job of doing what’s asked of you. I hardly ever reward just a single person in here. Now with that being said, Jarrod, do you feel as if you’ve been the hardest working person in here? Do you feel that you’ve been pulling your weight? Do you feel as if you deserve a promotion?” Tobin asks as she looks icily at the man a few chairs down from her own. 

Eleven sets of eyes turn to look at Jarrod. Jarrod himself looks flushed and embarrassed. “Well for the most part, I believe that I have. And I know in the recent weeks I have not been performing up to our standard.” 

“Up to our standard?” Tobin interrupts to question him. “Jarrod I believe that is an understatement. You have not been performing to any standard. In fact I would argue that you haven’t been performing at all.” Tobin turns her eyes to the rest of her team and asks, “Amy, in the last 3 weeks, I’ve assigned how many projects to our group?”

“We’ve had two team assignments. And each of us had to turn in a 5 page portfolio that was due last Wednesday the 21st. And by the end of the 3rd week we needed to have had two write ups for Oceanography Magazine.” Amy responds in a clear business voice. 

“Perfect, Amy. That is absolutely what was assigned. And do you guys feel that was too much to handle?’ Tobin asks her team. A chorus of firm ‘no’s’ fill the small meeting area. 

Tobin nods, “ I agree. So looking around the room including myself, and if my math is correct, I should have had thirteen portfolios and twenty-six articles. Going through my files this morning, I did have twenty-six articles, but I only had 12 portfolios. Jarrod, can you tell me why I only had 12 portfolios on my desk? Can you also tell me why zero articles of twenty-six had your name on them?” 

Jarrod clears his throat and says, “Well, I...um. I haven’t had the best few weeks. And I accidently got behind on some work and slipped passed some due dates, Ms. Heath.”

“Well Jarrod, I’m sorry you haven’t had the best few weeks, If there is anything I want for my team to have besides excellent work, it’s excellent lives. I can definitely relate though, I actually haven’t had the best few months myself. So if there was anything that any of us could have done and/or supported you with, you should have let us know. But Jarrod, I will also say that my bad days didn’t stop me from getting my work done. I still showed up when called upon. You did not.” Tobin stops to let Jarrod have the floor. 

“Um, I definitely agree. The support system you built within us is huge. We value teamwork and overall individual wellness like no other. And I’m super thankful that you have our rules in place. I apologize.” Jarrod speaks shakily. 

Tobin looks at the man. Sincerity in her eyes. “Jarrod, I think you are an amazing individual. I think you are talented and special and so creative. But do you feel that you have actively carried your weight on this team? Do you feel that you’ve been showing up?” 

“No. I know I have not been showing up and I do sincerely apologize for that. I want to say thank you to our team for picking up on my slack with the articles. I will say that from this moment forward, I will be giving it my all. I am so dedicated to this business and to our team specifically. I will work so hard and give this team everything I have. I want this team to succeed.” Jarrod says in a strong voice. 

Tobin stands from the end of the large table and goes to the whiteboard behind her. She picks up a black marker and holds it in her dominant left hand. She takes a big breath before she uncaps the marker and writes on the board: “305”

She turns back around and looks directly at Jarrod, “Do you know what this is?” Jarrod shakes his head. “Okay. Well go on and take a guess.”

“Is it the final number of overall pages for Oceanography Magazine? For the next run of seven? Like cumulatively?” Jarrod asks. 

Tobin looks at the floor for a second, hating what she has to do next. She hears her father’s cold and distant voice in her head. “ _ Rule with an iron first, Tobin.”  _ Tobin looks back up and when she meets Jarrod’s eyes, hers are a cold dark brown, almost black. “No. It’s the room you’ll be reporting to tomorrow. It’s really important that you mentioned how hard you’ll start working Jarrod, because if you want another chance to be on this team, you’ll need to. You have been demoted. Go to your desk and clear out your things, your replacement will be here tomorrow morning. When you clear your desk, you may go home for the day. Your new boss will be emailing you later tonight about what time you’ll need to report in the morning. Thank you for your services, Mr. Stalling. You are now dismissed.” 

Jarrod nods his head and raises from his seat. He looks around at his former co-workers and gives them all curt nods, and small ‘thank you’s’. He turns to Tobin finally and says, “Thank you Ms. Heath, for your time. I appreciate the opportunity and I work my hardest to make my way back to the team.” He finishes and then heads out the door, closing it gently behind him.

Tobin looks at the rest of the group and clasps her hands together. “Does anyone here think that I’ve been unfair to Jarrod? The floor is here for anyone who wants to take it. Open discussion.” 

“I mean we all know why we’re here. We’re elites in this group. We have a job to do. And if you can’t swing the bat, then you shouldn’t be in the lineup.” Tim says. 

“I agree Timmy. We are all elites. And we have a very significant job to do. Jarrod I do believe is elite, he just unfortunately could not bat in our lineup. However, I do still believe in him and his potential. Which is why his demotion had to happen. Jarrod was complacent with his work. Everything was always the same with him. He’s gonna learn a lot where he's going. His demotion was planned and with intent. And I know he will still do great things. It just will not be with us. I say that with certainty because starting tomorrow, we will be adding Stanford graduate Kelley O’hara to our team. She will then be formally introduced to you all. And don’t worry about Oceanography’s Run of Seven. have all 13 portfolios. And I appreciate your group collaboration to complete Jarrod’s two articles but they will not be needed. Your efforts will not go unrewarded though, so don’t worry about that. Any questions?” Tobin asks as she finishes her debrief.

The sound of ‘no’ fills the room once again and Tobin closes the meeting. “Well if you guys are good, then so am I. Upon your exits you guys can head home. I will see you guys for introduction and intent at 11 tomorrow.” 

As the rest of her team heads out of the room, Tobin grabs her phone from her pocket and sends out a quick text. 

**_Tobin [ 1:26 pm ]:_ ** _ Can you just please tell me if she’s ok? I’ve given her the space she’s asked for. I’ll keep giving her all the space she needs. I just want to know if she’s ok. Please. _

**_Tobin [ 1:29 pm ]:_ ** _ For all the shit that happened you know I care about her. I already know where we stand and that’s fine. I just want to know that she’s doing ok.  _

Tobin sighs frustratedly as her texts continue to go unanswered. She’s been sending messages for two months now. All of them unanswered. It’s been a total of three months since she’s last seen or heard from Christen. She checks her instagram almost daily in hopes of something, even though she has the other girl’s notifications on. She decides to just call it a day. She puts her phone back in her pocket and heads to her office to pack up for the day. 

  
  


On the other side of town sit two best friends, directly across from each other, in the middle of a stare down. Blank green eyes meet icy blue ones, just as empty. The blonde has her arms crossed at the chest, and a cold look on her face. The brunette posing a mirror image of the woman across from her. The two women have been like this for almost a full minute. They continue to engage in an intense staredown until...Christen blinks. 

Julie unfolds her arms and raises them in victory as she laughs. Christen just groans and wipes at her teary eyes that burn from holding them open so long. “Ughh. Dammit Julie. That’s three times already. I quit.” Christen says as she pouts. 

“It’s mind over matter babe. Mind over matter.” Julie says, rubbing her own eyes. “You know, we never work in this place. You only get work done before I come in and I only get work done after you leave.” 

“Where would we be without Alex and Ali, huh?” Christen agrees. 

“Probably homeless. We would have zero dollars and zero cents.” Julie laughs. 

Ali, almost as if on cue, peaks her head through the door, “Oh great you’re both in here. Are we still on for tonight?” 

Christen looks confused and asks, “What’s tonight?” 

Julie just waves the girl’s question off and tells Ali, “Yep, we’ll be there. Don’t worry about Christen. She’s coming too.” 

Ali nods excitedly, “Oh my god I cannot wait! It’s been a while since girls’ night. And we deserve it. And don’t forget that we have to do a spa day too.” 

“Is Ash coming?” Christen asks, already giving up the thought of arguing her participation. 

“No.” Ali and Julie say simultaneously. 

“You guys Ash is a girl. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. She can come to girls’ night.” Christen says. 

“Honey, I  _ know  _ Ashlyn is a girl. You don’t have to tell me.” Ali says with a wink, “But you know she doesn’t like hanging with us at girls’ night. She’d rather play video games with Zach and the guys.”

“That is the truth. I don’t know how she can be around them for so long. They smell like outside and socks.” Julie says as she scrunches her face up at the thought.

Christen and Ali laugh at Julie, nodding their heads somewhat in agreement with the blonde woman.    
  


“Ok well, Ali and I will get out of your hair so we can all go back to pretending to do work.” Julie says as she stands up from her seat at Christen’s desk. “And actually I think I’m gonna head out for the day. I have another class scheduled at 4 but I’m gonna flake.”

“Julie, we can’t do that.” Christen says and looks at her disapprovingly.

“Relax. I called Abby way earlier to see if she could come cover mine and Ali’s classes.” 

“Ali, you’re leaving too?” Christen asks as she turns to look at her other friend in shock. 

“Yeah. I actually have a class in about 20 minutes, so that’ll be my last class for the day. I need to get my pre-party nap in, girl.” 

“And I picked up Jenny’s 7:30 today. So that means I had to be here at 6. I did some filing before I had to set up for them. Thankfully it’s a smaller group. So when Ali starts her class, I will technically be off the clock, so it won’t be like I’m skipping out.” Julie tells her green eyed friend. 

“It’s actually not that bad, Chris. You’re just being your usual dramatic self because you’re the only one that’s gonna be here. And it’s only for two hours because I’ll be for another hour. You’re off at five, relax girlie. ” Ali tells her.

Christen sighs dramatically and says, “Fine, leave me. I like being alone anyways.”

Julie and Ali turn to look at each other in silent agreement that their friend was crazy. “Okay babe, Ali really needs to get ready, and I’m ready to head out. We’ll see you in a bit, okay?” Julie says as she walks over to give Christen a kiss on the cheek. 

“Bye guys.” Christen says as she sits down in her desk chair, opens her laptop, and gets to work. 

  
  


Christen finds herself dragging her body through her front door nearly four hours later, getting home almost thirty minutes later than usual because of traffic. She hears Julie before she sees her. 

“Christen is home Ali!” Julie shouts as she appears from down her own hallway. “Go shower babe. You look beat.”

Christen rolls her eyes lightly and says, “Well hello to you too then.”

“Hello Christen. Now go shower. Ali ordered pizza not too long ago and it should be here by the time you’re done. Then we can relax for an hour and then get dolled up and head out.” Julie says as she pushes Christen down the hall and into her room. 

Christen just shakes her head at her wild friend and does what she’s told. She checks her phone and sighs as she doesn’t see any new notifications. She puts in on charge and continues to her shower. 

After pizza had been consumed, a movie had been watched, and clothes had been changed, the girls find themselves inside of their favourite bar. Julie playing darts with the guys on the side of the bar, and Ali and Christen on the makeshift dance floor. They’re sweating, and laughing, and having a good time. A few minutes later, Christen finds herself needing a refreshment.

“Hey, I’m gonna go get another drink, do you wanna come?” She shouts at Ali, over the music.

“No, I’m good. I’m gonna go play some darts with Julie.” Ali says.

Christen nods her head and walks over to the bar, “Hey, can I get beer please?” She asks the man behind the counter, who nods and walks a few steps to few steps to get her a beer.

“A beer? You don’t look like a beer drinker to me.” An unfamiliar voice says from beside her. 

Christen turns to look at the person, and man is she stunning. Christen smiles, “Oh yeah? And what’s a beer drinker look like to you?” 

The mystery woman laughs lightly, “I’m not sure. I know it doesn’t look like you though. You look fart too classy to indulge with us lowly beer drinkers.” 

“Hmm,” Christen hums. “What do I look like I drink?” 

“Probably something fruity. Like a bramble or something.” The woman turns to Christen giving her her full attention. 

“Well, why don’t you buy me one and see.” Christen challenges, surprising herself with her straight forwardness. 

The woman beside her just smiles, “Yeah, why don’t I. Hey bartender,” She raises a hand to flag him down. 

Julie and Ali make it through three more games of darts before Julie starts to worry about where Christen is. She walks over the dance floor and doesn’t see the mass of curls anywhere. She walks back over to Ali and speaks over the noise, “Where’s Chris?”

“She should be by the bar. She said she was getting a drink. But that was a while ago.” Ali answers. “Wanna go find her?” 

“Yeah, I think we should head out anyways. It’s getting pretty late.” Julie says as they walk away from the dart boards. 

Her friends see her talking animatedly, and laughing with the woman at the bar. She looks happier than they’ve seen her in a long time. And they hate to stop her from looking that happy. “Hey, Chris.” Julie says she taps her on the back. 

Christen turns at the unexpected contact and smiles brightly when she sees who it is, “Ohh hey!” Christen turns around to the woman and starts introducing her friends, “This is Ali. And this is Julie.” She says as she points to each woman. “They are my very best friends.” She says proudly. 

The girls exchange pleasantries with each other and then Ali says, “It’s time to head out Chris. It’s getting pretty late.” 

“Oh.” Christen says, shoulders dropping dejectedly. 

“Yeah, I think I agree with your friends. I should head out too. I have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow. I’m meeting with the new boss I was telling you about.” The woman says as she stands. 

“Okay,” Christen says, as she stands too. “Well it was really nice talking to you. I can’t believe you went to my dream school. What are the odds?” 

“I’d call it fate.” She laughs as they gather to walk out of the door, ubers already ordered. 

The four women stand outside and continue to converse as they wait for their respective cars to arrive. “Hey, maybe I’m being straightforward, but that seems to be working for me tonight, would it be okay if I maybe got your number?” Christen asks shyly. 

The woman from the bar just smiles, “I thought you’d never ask.” She grabs Christen’s phone as she hands it to her, and puts her number in just as their uber arrives. 

Christen flushes a light pink and waves a goodnight as she gets in the backseat with her two friends. She looks at the phone number and smiles at her small success. 

“She was cute.” Ali says, as Julie nods in agreement. “What’s her name?”

“Kelley. Kelley O’hara.” Christen blushes. 

“You gonna use the number?” Julie asks as she wiggles her eyebrows.

Christen pauses for a moment to think over her answer. She takes a deep breath and answers, “You know what, I am. I really am. She was amazing and we really connected.” She smiles. 

“Good.” Ali says, as she sits back and the girls continue their ride back to the apartment in silence. 

Later on, into the early hour of the morning, Julie lies still on her bed looking up at the dark ceiling, a sleeping Ali beside her. Her phone burning a hole through her nightstand beside her. Julie sighs and grabs it, opening her messages and clicking on the thread of tons of unread messages. She quickly types out a single response before rolling over to go to sleep. 

**_Julie [ 2:02 am]:_ ** _ She’s doing just fine Tobin.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send prompts or ideas you guys have. I'm always thinking about what's next. :)


	8. Family Matters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back? Back again? This story's back. Tell a friend. ANYWAYS....we're back and ready to roll. Initially I was going to be removing several people from this story, but I've decided that I've come to far to make any adjustments. So the story is going to continue as planned with the original folks involved. Thank you to those who have stuck around and have been patient with me for these last 6 months. The wait is no more. I hope you enjoy <3 
> 
> PS: I do all the revising and editing myself and I can barely even read :/ so sorry for any mistakes

_ *Flashback*  _

“What’s the matter with you, huh?” Jeff Heath says as he looks down at his youngest daughter. “Be still.”

Tobin stops tapping her pencil and looks up at her dad, “I’m counting. I have to count for my homework.” 

“You're six. What homework could you possibly have? Why don’t you go outside and play or something, huh? You’re making too much noise.” Jeff says with a huff.

“Mommy said I can’t play until I finish my homework.” Tobin says going back to the rhythmic tapping of her pencil. 

Jeff reaches over and snatches the pencil out of Tobin’s little hand, making her flinch, and snaps it into two. “Go outside, Tobin. Now.” He says with a raised voice.

Cindy Heath races into the kitchen worried about the commotion, “What’s going on in here?” 

Tobin races from her chair and goes over to hide behind her mom. Cindy wraps her arms around her baby girl and looks at her husband, “What happened? What did you do to her?” 

“What do you mean what did I do to her? I didn’t do anything to her. I told her to go outside and play. She was doing that little dumb tappy thing she does. I was sick of it.” Jeff says in irritation. 

“Tobin sweetheart, go to your room.” Cindy says, and Tobin races down the hall into her room. “She does that to help her keep calm. You know that. Why are you being such an asshole? That is your child Jeffrey.” 

“That is no child of mine. She can’t even sit properly for five damn minutes. What kind of people need medicine to help them be still? She’s sick. Something is wrong with that girl.” Jeff says.

“She is not sick! Don’t you dare say that about her! There is nothing wrong with my little girl. She is absolutely perfect.” Cindy says with tears building in her eyes.

“Cindy, she’s sick and you know it. I don’t know how that girl came to be that way. Nobody in my family acts like that. I don’t even want them to see her, it’s embarrassing. I told you that I didn’t want anymore kids. You should have gotten her taken care of.” Jeff says in a menacing voice.

And at this the tears roll down Cindy’s cheeks, “Get out. Right now, Jeffrey. Get out!” She screams. Jeff just huffs and makes his way his way out of the door with a final slam.

Cindy wipes the tears from her face and calls Tobin from her room. Tobin comes shuffling quietly down the hallway, “Yes mommy?” She asks quietly.

“Come finish your homework.” Cindy tells the little girl. 

“I can’t…” Tobin starts before Cindy interrupts her.

“Tobin please don’t do this right now. Please just come and try. Ok? Just try.” Cindy says with a sigh.

“Daddy broke my pencil.” Tobin tells her mother. 

Cindy takes a sigh of both frustration and relief. Frustrated at her husband’s treatment of their daughter but also thankful that her little girl was in the mood to work.”Ok, go sit at the table. I’ll bring you another one.” Cindy says as she walks off to get Tobin’s pencil. 

Tobin takes her seat at the table and waits for her mom to come back. When her mother comes back with her pencil, she looks up at her innocently and questions her, “Mommy, am I sick?”

Cindy inhales sharply and looks down at her daughter, “Why do you think you are sick Tobin?”

Tobin shrugs her little shoulders and says idly, “Daddy always says I’m sick. He always tells me that. But I’m not coughing so I don’t understand.”

“Tobin, look at me,” Cindy says as she grabs her daughter’s chin gently, “You are not sick. You’re perfect. Don’t let anyone ever tell you you’re sick. Your dad just doesn’t understand, okay? I love you and your sisters love you so much.You are absolutely perfect. Do you understand me?”

Tobin nods and turns to pick up her pencil, starting to tap again before immediately stopping, “I can stop tapping. I’m sorry.”

“Tap all you want baby girl.” Cindy says as she kisses her baby on the head and goes to prepare a snack for her children. 

_ End Flashback*  _

“It was hard, you know?” Cindy says as she sips from her coffee mug. “Raising Tobin was the hardest thing I think I’ve ever had to do. She was so quirky. She was always up to something. But raising her was also very easily the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.” Cindy chuckles softly. “You know until about, maybe third or fourth grade, she had to use the kindergarten pencil. The big yellow one with no eraser.” She smiles.

“Wow. Why did she have to do that?” Amelia Heath, Jeff’s sister asks in wonder.

“Her teacher said that she would always tear off the erasers. She had to keep her little hands busy. They almost didn’t want her to have a desk partner because she would go into their little boxes and take their pencils.” 

“How did you handle that? How did she handle that? I mean how did she react to being reprimanded and things like that? I can’t imagine it could have been easy.” Amelia asks her former sister in law.

“It wasn’t easy. For any of us.” Cindy laughs. “Believe me. We were gonna pull her out and home school her. Her teacher Ms. Warren, she told us not to. Said it would be more beneficial for her if she was able to learn how to adjust in different environments. Bless that woman. She helped my baby girl so much.”

“That’s amazing and so kind of her. It makes me so sad that we missed out on so much of her life.” Amelia says.

“Hey, that’s okay. You’re here now. That’s all that matters. It was my fault as well. I should have brought her around more. So I’m sorry.” Cindy says she grabs Amelia’s hand from across the table. As she looks up she sees her youngest daughter walking towards their table. 

“Hey, mom. Hey Aunt Amelia.” She says as she gives her aunt a hug, before sliding in the booth next to her mom and doing the same. 

“Hey sweetie. Thanks for coming.” Her mom says rubbing her back. “We got here pretty early but we just got drinks. And then here’s your menu.” She says sliding the menu over. 

“No need. I had to work late last night so I went straight to bed when I got home. And I’m pretty hungry so I’m just gonna get everything.” Tobin says with a smile, sliding the menu to the edge of the table. “So, how are you guys?”

“We’re doing well sweetheart. I called you to breakfast because your Aunt asked me to. She wants to get to know you better.” Cindy says. 

Amelia nods her head from across the table, “We missed you so much Tobin. We didn’t get to see you grow up and we should have tried harder to build a bond with you, no matter what Jeff said. And I know we know each other but I want to have a real relationship with you.”

Tobin smiles at her Aunt and says, “I want to have a relationship with you too. More than what we already have. It was hard growing up and always having to see Dad take Perry and Katie, to see you guys. Because I knew I couldn’t go. But Mom and I always had fun while they were gone. So it’s okay.” 

“I’m so sorry sweetie. It will forever weigh on my heart that I should have done more.” Amelia says reaching her hand across the table to hold Tobin’s. “Enough of the sad stuff, I want to hear everything. How are you? What are you up to? Any special guys?” Amelia asks that last part wiggling her eyebrows slightly. 

Cindy picks up her glass of water that sat next to her coffee and takes a sip, just as Tobin answers, “Well for starters, I’m gay. So no special guys.” Cindy promptly begins to choke on her water. 

“Tobin!” Cindy gasps. While Amelia just blushes across from them. 

“Well, I’m sorry for assuming Tobin. Any special gals?” She asks instead. 

“Um...yes?” She says more like a question. But before she could continue, their waiter came over.

“Hello, my name is Charlie and I’ll be your server this morning. Are you guys ready to order?” The young man asks in a preppy voice.

The women all nod and Charlie begins to write down their orders. “Okay got it. Would the two of you like your drinks refilled? And what can I get you to start with ma’am?” He finishes with asking Tobin. 

Amelia and Cindy nod yes and slide their cups over to the young man. Tobin looks at his name tag and misses the question, instead asking her own, “Hey, what’s Charlie short for? If you don’t mind me asking of course.” 

The waiter smiles politely and says, “Oh you’d probably never guess, it’s not Charles. It’s Charleston.”

“Oh that’s dope. That sounds cool. Like so sophisticated. If you were like royalty or something,  It’d be like Sir. Charleston.” Tobin rambles on.

Cindy notices her daughter becoming sidetracked and brings her back to the original question. “Okay Tobs, I’m sure the young man has to get back to work. Tell him what you want to drink.”

Tobin looks a little embarrassed and apologizes, “Sorry, um I’ll have a sweet tea.”

Charlie, who’s a good sport about the whole thing just waves her off. “It’s no problem. Thank you for the compliments. I’ll just grab these,” he says picking up the cups, “and I’ll have them back out for you ladies in just a few.”

Tobin looks bashfully at the ladies she’s seated, a bit embarrassed at having gotten distracted so easily. She clears her throat and says, “I can get distracted sometimes.”

Amelia and Cindy just laugh and Tobin joins them, blush still evident on her cheeks. Soon their food arrives and they have nice and some long overdue conversations. Amelia asks Tobin about her childhood. Her favorite things to do. Her favorite places to visit. What her experience was like growing up with adhd. Her challenges and how she was able to overcome them. And last but not least, her love life. 

“So, who’s the lucky lady?” Amelia asked her niece.

At this question, Tobin chooses to be completely honest. “Um well her name is Christen, but we aren’t together right now.”

Cindy snaps her head towards her daughter, “Christen? Christen Press?” Tobin nods her head in confirmation. “Oh my goodness. It’s been so long since I’ve seen that girl. How is she?” 

“She’s okay, I guess. Well I hope. Julie says she’s okay. But I don’t know if that’s the truth.” Tobin says sullenly. 

“Well why aren’t you guys together?” 

“I guess I kind of have a girlfriend?” Tobin says as she raises her shoulders to her ears.

“What does that even mean? What is kind of?” Cindy asks her child. 

“I have a girlfriend. But I don’t really care about her or anything. And I’m only with her because I wanted to get back at Christen. But she moved on again and then Jessica is being paid to date me which is fine….” Tobin starts her rambling again and her mother quickly stops her. 

“Hey, hey, hey, slow down. You’re saying so much. What do you mean you wanted to get back at Christen and why is Jessica being paid? Tobin what’s going on?” Cindy looks at Tobin with confusion on her face.

“Dad funds the magazine. He’s why I was able to get it up and running so soon after college. He’s technically the owner. He doesn’t want me seeing Christen so he paid Jessica to stay.” Tobin explains to Cindy and Amelia. 

“And you didn’t think to tell me any of this Tobin?” Cindy asks her daughter exasperatedly. Rubbing her hand over her face. 

“No. I didn’t want you involved. I already ruined your marriage. I didn’t want to cause you any more stress.” Tobin says honestly.

Cindy sighs and turns to Amelia, “Can you grab the check please? I think we’re ready to head out.” 

Amelia pays for their meals and the three of them head back to Tobin’s place. The trip back is a trip of silence and unease. Trepidation in all occupants of the vehicle. The silence is deafening inside the condo once they reach it. No one is really sure where or even how to start the conversation. 

“Tobin why do you think you ruined my marriage to your father?” Cindy asks her daughter as she reaches across the couch to grab her hand.

“Well he always said that before I was born you guys were happy. And I don’t doubt that. I always heard you guys arguing. And it was almost always about me. I couldn’t even go see my family because he was embarrassed of me.” Tobin shrugs lazily, but the pain, present in her tone. 

“You listen to me and you listen to me good Tobin Powell, having you was the  _ greatest  _ day in my life. Do you understand me? The  _ greatest.  _ I have never been happier than the day you were born. You bring so much light and joy to our family. I won’t lie to you and say we didn’t fight about you, because we did. Your father is an ass and I should have seen it sooner. I am so sorry baby, that you have held this in for so long. I love you so much. Okay? You didn’t ruin a thing. You helped save me.” Cindy says as she wipes tears from her cheeks. 

Amelia adds, “And if Jeff was too dumb to see how much an amazing child you were, he didn’t deserve to help raise you Tobin. I am so sorry that we didn’t try harder to see you. You are not an embarrassment, okay? He should be proud of the young woman you’ve grown to be. You are so amazing sweetheart.” She finishes with a smile to her niece. 

“I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to let anyone down. I’ve been trying my best for 20 years to not make anyone angry at me and that’s all I ever seem to do. All I ever do is disappoint those who I love the most.” Tobin says with tears in her eyes. 

Cindy scoots closer to her daughter and wraps her up in her arms, “Sweetie, you were a child 20 years ago. A six year old child. You didn’t disappoint or fail anyone. We failed you as parents. You deserved better and I’m sorry that I couldn’t give that to you.” 

“You gave me everything you could, Mom. I love you so much.” Tobin sniffles and leans further into her Mom. 

“Okay, sweetheart, how about you tell us about what’s going on? You’re in a bunch of wires that are overlapping and are dangerously close to burning out. We need to start untangling.” Amelia says. 

Tobin sits up and wipes her eyes, “How long do you guys have?” 

“We have all the time that you need, Tobin.”


End file.
